Secret Societies, What Do They Want?

CONTROL FREAKS?

It has been said by Anonymous in his The Oldest Secret that "for every three who walk this earth, two would shun the third." Two-thirds of adult male humans believe that secret societies in some capacity control every aspect of society; aspects as disparate as the weather or the cost of milk. Members of secret societies generally live forever.

Secret societies have been around for nearly as long as regular societies; all the way back to the caveman-era! It is believed by scientists that secret societies began when someone from the future told someone else from the past "Ooga-booga, something is eating the moon or sun." Nothing, of course was eating anything in the sky, but try explaining that (or the complexities of time-travel) to a caveman.

Why don't we see evidence of secret societies if they've been for hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of years? It is probably because Americans, in their chicken-with-its-head-cut-off search for their fifteen minutes of fame, have very short attention spans.

(*Secret societies are usually helped out by aliens in their quest for eternal life.)